I realised I was old when an invitation to a funeral via Facebook surprised me. I recognise the site’s appeal as I have friends and family in the USA, Europe, Asia and Australia. Facebook allows me to connect with these far-flung people. But never had I been alerted to a death and told of the funeral arrangements on-line. Welcome to 2010.
Notification of a death by Facebook isn’t uncommon. Teens build RIP and Memorial sites as soon as they learn of a friend’s death. This month in Sydney one family learned their son died via such a site. The police were challenged identifying the remains and couldn’t make a positive identification until five or six hours after the accident. In an SMS world, that’s equivalent to a week. By then RIP notices were popping up on the pages kept by the victim’s sisters.
The memorial site on Facebook is a perfect place for mourners to connect and share memories of the decedent. It is a safe and open site for all to gather - and memories to be shared.
Until recently.
Now Facebook memorial pages have become the targets of malice. In February 12 year old Elliot Fletcher was stabbed in the chest and killed during a schoolyard brawl. His assailant is incarcerated. That boy is 13.
If this tragedy weren’t sufficient, “opportunistic vandals” have degraded the memorial site for Elliot with notes of insult, hate and rage. Melbourne University’s Dr Lauren Rosewarne explains the attraction of international media and a high profile death attract people wanting attention. Hence they shock us all with their notes of hate on a site dedicated to a young victim.
The vast displays of mourning seemed to start after the death of Lady Diana. Stunned members of the public began leaving flowers at the gates of Buckingham Palace. Soon that delivery of flowers and stuffed animals and notes became the norm after a death. The short-lived tribute sites were usually at a victim’s home - or at the site where their body was discovered. It would be unthinkable to see these locations defaced.
Today police in the Queensland city of Bundaberg are monitoring Facebook sites devoted to eight year old murder victim Trinity Bates. While 3,900 people have joined one page, others have posted child pornography or messages in support of the apprehended murder suspect.
Perhaps technology is taking us too far. Perhaps there are some areas best left to face-to-face communication. After a death the natural place to gather is the victim’s home or funeral parlor. It allows a personal connection and sharing that on-line will never replicate. And if Drive Through Funeral Parlours open Down Under - like in America - you’ll be able to do so from the comfort of your car.
