Writing a blog is a little bit like performing on film. You never know who will see it, what they’ll think and if it even gets a viewing. Will my blog be straight-to-DVD?
Yesterday in a meeting I was trying to express my passion for writing. The other person said they knew already. They read this blog and really liked the style! It was a wonderful validation and will fuel another fortnight’s postings.
Then of course I’ll wonder who reads this drivel…
The Washington Post asks for submissions annually to its unusual word challenge.
The paper’s Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the p erson who doesn’t get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn aft e r finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon, n.. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishism’s.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
I’ve been blogging for 16 months now and today heard the most unsettling story of a blogger.
Major Andrew Olmsted was writing on the war in Iraq for The Rocky Mountain News - a daily newspaper in Denver. Sometime ago he wrote a posting that wasn’t immediately published. It was to be published in the event of his death.
Today that posting is live as Olmsted is not.
I respect his wish not to use his death for political purposes so I will withhold commentary on the war and the toll it takes. Instead I encourage all to read his final posting.
“This is an entry I would have preferred not to have published, but there are limits to what we can control in life, and apparently I have passed one of those limits.” (read more)
My sympathies to his wife and family.
Just like any neighbourhood, the social media ‘hood has some bad apples. Predators stalk the room pretending to be youthful teens when in fact they’re middle-age men (rarely women - usually men). It’s unusual to find a parent today who hasn’t installed an Internet monitoring system to guard their children against suspect sites.
Yet children aren’t the only ones being assaulted on social media sites. This week I lost a Facebook friend due to ongoing harassment. Antonio is in his late twenties and lives in Monaco. He found the ongoing litany of insulting messages too much to handle. On the weekend he sent a farewell message and disabled his account. He’d said our conversations (to help me practice my French) were the only sane ones he’d had on Facebook.
Recent media reports suggest up to 50% of all social media users post too many personal details on-line, making them susceptible to identity theft. Yet the growth of indecent messaging makes a walk through Facebook feel like a jaunt through 1980s Times Square. Before Disney cleaned up that neighbourhood it was all Beast and no Beauty.
The prevalence of n’aer-do-wells will be the biggest inhibitor of social media’s rise. And where bad things happen lawyers usually follow. It will be interesting to see how courts one day determine the liability of Facebook and MySpace should a virtual assault turn physical.
It’s odd making virtual friends. Usually you have a chance to see someone, speak in-person and size them up before entering into a friendship. Yet on-line you’re suddenly abandoning that dynamic and speaking with people you’ve never met - and are unlikely to meet in-person.
On Tuesday I flew from Adelaide to Melbourne and met with Anna Whitlam at Market U. Anna’s a class act who is also a high-end executive recruiter. It was disorienting to have her so familiar with my thinking and background - all gained by reading this blog.
On Facebook I’ve had in-depth conversations with people in South Africa, London, Dubai, Budapest and LA. I’m unlikely to meet them - ever.
But there’s a psychological closeness we gain from strangers in different lands. We can share intimacies knowing they’re unlikely to come back to us. We can try on different skins, act out fantasies or talk of details so close and painful we’d never entrust them to people in proximity for fear it may boomerang.
It’s a new social order when we retreat to a room alone in order to get close to people we’ll never meet - and leave alone those in our own household.
We’re all trying to be young. What else explains the obsession with casual clothing, fitness and cosmetic surgery. As Baby Boomers enter retirement and Gen Y dominate the workforce, most are seeking what Juan Ponce de Leon sought in Florida in 1513 - the Fountain of Youth.
Add to this love of youth (or denial of aging) the growing influence of social media and we’re witness to a growing informality of language.
I like the latest ad from Seek.com.au -
“Why do we need to know what’s in there, what’s up there or what’s out there?”
On a pair of Puma gym shorts I bought yesterday there are four symbols with short instructions below each:
Heart: Love Your NeighbourLeaf: Eat More GreensCar Driving into Water: Cheer Up It May Never HappenWater Drop: Wash This When DirtySocial media allows us to get to know each-other better - in French we'd abandoning parlez-vous for "tutoyer". There are less barriers and that's starting to be reflected in casual banter.
We're younger. We're more connected. We're more social. So let's abandon the formalities, okay buddy?
I’m thick, I admit. It takes me longer sometimes to come to terms with new concepts. Social media gift giving is on area I have yet to fully come to terms with. It is money for nothing. Or is it?
For the rest of the class: Social media sites (MySpace, Facebook) allow users to connect and inter-connect with friends (and strangers) in a number of ways. One application allows you to give a gift to a friend. There’s a gallery of images and - get this - you pay $1.00 to send it to another person. What does the receiver get? An image and your message.
When you care enough to send the very best…
Seems like a killer application to me. If I could get all my loyal readers to spend $1.00 to click through and send me a four leaf clover or a piece of sushi or a traffic cone or a baby chick then in time those would add up.
And hence the incredible promise of social media. People pay to send a picture to a friend. They are that attached to the network and its reality.
Send me a dollar. I’ll email you a picture - what do you want? The slice of pizza? The inflatable shark?
PS: Have any of the global brands realised not one of those gifts is branded???
I get grief in Australia because I’m from New Jersey. And America.
It’s not bad enough that Australians feel comfortable “giving heaps” to Americans (aka Septics - precedes Tanks which rhymes with Yanks. Ah, the subtleties of Cockney!). But mention you’re from New Jersey and folks feel inclined to pitch in a bit more.
Must be all that Joe Pesci did in “My Cousin Vinnie.” Or Tony Soprano in “The Sopranos.” But New jersey is synonymous for “tough under dog” and “brash but no class” around the world. I think of Joan Cusack in “Working Girl” (even if she was from Richmond [aka Staten Island]).
So I left New Jersey - a long, long time ago. But they do say “You can take the boy out of New Jersey, but you can’t take the New Jersey out of the boy.” I am a little loud. Down here that’s called being OTT (Over The Top). I like loud cars. Sunshine and sand aren’t enough unless you add Banana Boat Coconut Oil. Classy, no?
And then today all my battery hens come home to roost. I find I’ve been hot-linked by “The Newark Star Ledger” and their blog site. Is this infamy? Or final recognition from my home state - come back to the five and dime!
It’s too much to ponder. Besides, I got me a Corvette to polish - I’m outta here!
This morning I woke to an in-box filled with updates from global friends gathered through FaceBook. There were notes and photos and puzzles and games. It would easily take two hours to respond to each and participate.
The social media revolution is creating a pound of bacon each morning!
Bacon is a variant of Spam, that wonderful in-box filler offering Viagra from Thailand or promises of fortune from Nigeria. But instead of being unsolicited like Spam (I really did NOT request the Viagra emails - promise!), Bacon is from friendly sources.
Someone added a photo to Flicker. You’ve got a message on Facebook. Someone was up all night on MySpace and now you have 27 messages from the same person - really!
Social media companies are quickly trying to develop a “daily digest” option so you’ll receive one update versus dozens and dozens. They better act quickly because too much bacon did in poor old Mr Atkins. And if the protein diet king couldn’t survive on bacon, I don’t like our chances!
I scroll down my postings and very few have attracted comments. So you wonder - why bother? Yet the statistics aren’t that sad - in the last 24 hours 60 people have been in for a read. You’re all welcome - as would be your comments!
Thanks for visiting!
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