Earlier this month Pamela Lee Anderson was in Australia for a guest appearance on Channel Ten’s “Big Brother” show. While filming on the Gold Coast she took a petition to the local branch of Kentucky Fried Chicken to protest the treatment of pre-meal chickens. Her entrance to the fast food outlet received a 1/4 page in “The Australian.” Of course the photo of her in a low-cut top featured prominently.

Last weekend the latest installment of Batman broke box office records. Last night star Christian Bale was questioned for hours in a local police station as his mother and sister accused him of assault. He was released without charge.

Channel Nine evening news has morphed into a celebrity roll-call each night. August publications like “The Australian” dedicate large swathes of space to starlets delivering animal rights messages. Radio National on ABC brings assault accusations to the top of the hour news broadcast.

It’s not fair to fault the media. They are delivering what consumers want. In a constant race for better ratings, news outlets fill up with the material consumers want. And if we’d prefer stars to hard news then that’s what we’ll get.

We’re Catholic Central in Sydney today - World Youth Day kicked off last night with an opening mass for 100,000 pilgrims. The even was filled to capacity before the first homily was spoken. Thousands mor were turned away.

This world record mass for Sydney will stand for a few days - on Sunday 500,000 are expected for the Pope’s mass at Randwick in Sydney.

On the streets there’s a wonderful buzz. People are smiling and clapping and shouting hello. There are flag bearers from every nation. While traffic is chaos and normal city life has come to a halt it’s all for a good cause.

Enjoy Sydney, pilgrims! Just make sure you leave it as clean and beautiful as you found it!

What was interesting was the call I received yesterday from the “Customer Retention Unit” at Commonwealth Bank. Their operator called unsolicited and starting asking questions to verify my identity. Having received hundreds of phishing emails over the years I wouldn’t speak to him until I could verify he was actually from CBA. That took another call - and a telephone answer tree - and five minutes. But later we were re-connected.

I like the idea of a “retention team” but by the time a bank has received discharge instructions it’s probably too late. And for me the tipping point was when I was referred to (again ad again) as a “Valid Customer.”

I’m sure I am.

But more than likely the customer retention specialist meant “Valued Customer.” It’s time for more training CBA. Good acts poorly executed lead to bad results.

Fare thee well!

When did our grandparents know they’d entered the Great Depression?

The October 1929 stock market crash was one event. It did not define the Great Depression - it was the first major indicator. Then a series of collapses and inter-linked events sent the world into depression. These included bank failures (not unlike Indy Mac or Bear Stearns), company collapses, property price drops and loss of confidence in the central bankers.

When did they know? When will we know?

I was pinned as a communications person because of my annoyance at the World Youth Day logo.

Look - it is nice and visual and snappy. But the annoyance stems from the mix of an acronym (WYD stands for World Youth Day) and an abbreviation (SYD is short of Sydney). Wid Sid 08 rests uneasy on the eyes and the tongue.

That said - I wish all pilgrims in Sydney a wondrous week. I had the pleasure of sharing a bus ride this morning with international revellers. It’s great to see the city abuzz with cheering visitors - go Wid Sid!

In recognition of its American ancestry, the Club has two portraits framed at the entrance. Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd and US President George Bush greet all newcomers.

Last week the club hosted an event and amongst the crowd were a mob of unruly Texans. (Editor’s note: I understand unruly and Texan is overkill, much like patrician New Englander.) The next morning both framed portraits were missing! Someone stole George Bush and Kevin Rudd.

Kevin didn’t go far. Must be his conservative nature. He was found in the lobby of the building no worse for wear.

George is still missing. Seems he was more attractive to our Texans than Kev ‘07.  So if you see a framed portrait of George wandering the streets of Sydney, tell him a wall on Macquarie Street misses him.

In 1992 when providing a speech to mark the 40th anniversary of her coronation, Queen Elizabeth said it had been an “annus horribilis”. If you can’t decode the meaning of the Latin phrase she said it had been an awful year:

“1992 is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure. In the words of one of my more sympathetic correspondents, it has turned out to be an Annus Horribilis.”

The financial markets would tend to agree - today we close the year and it has been really savage. Stock markets are down 20% - officially entering bear territory. Inflation is up. Profits are down. Credit markets are tight.

Perhaps we’ll have a resurgence this year. Probably not. Be prepared for a year of bear. Then next year we can ponder - what’s worse than an “annus horribilis”?

Micklethwait makes “Big Picture” look small. He was singularly capable of encapsulating global issues and concerns in a broad perspective. Rarely do pundits back away from the headlines to achive such clarity.

There are dozens of themes and issues he explored. I’ll hone in on one - the upcoming Beijing Olympics and the USA Presidential Elections.

Make no error - China is poised to win a record number of Olympic gold medals. And they will run a flawless games with military precision (oops - did I say military?).

The United States hates coming in second in an Olympics. And if the games are truly “crisp” and run in military fashion, it will exacerbate anti-China sentiment.

Did you know the USA was in recession? Housing prices are expected to fall a further 20% by some estimates. And Iraq will still be dragging on (Congress approved funding last week).

So a matter of weeks before the USA election there’s the populace - bitter over second place, juggling home finances, worried about the nation’s future. This will all play into an election focused on nationalism, security and trade restrictions. And just as the USA economy is being kept alive by trade, there are no new free trade deals going through Congress.

According to Micklethwait, if you want to predict the outcome of the USA elections in November keep an eye on the medals tally in Beijing in August. If the USA is routed then a democrat will get in with a license to close the country down.

And if you ever get the chance in this life to hear Micklethwait speak then take it - he’s fantastic!

The first half is rubbish and could have been edited to a chapter - but then I wouldn’t have felt right paying $34.99 for the paperback (did I mention books are expensive in Australia?). But the second half takes it up a notch and provides exceptional value.

Here’s the gist - Entrepreneurs have a “fit” and come up with a great idea. That one moment justifies their being. Taking that idea and turning it into a successful business requires different skills. Enter the Manager and the Technician. This trio of personalities will get a business running.

Better yet - treat your new business like a franchise. How can you capture the processes and eliminate the variability? Plan business #1 like it’s a model for office #5,000 and suddenly you have a successful model.

At Ford Motor Company I became a Six Sigma Green Belt - basically an apprentice who knows the tools and has completed a project. What Gerber recommends is a “DMAIC” approach to any small business - Define, Measure, Analyse, Improve and Control. Treat this as a never ending cycle and you have a model you can replicate.

“It is literally impossible to produce consistent result in a business that depends on extraordinary people,” writes Gerber.

This for me was an “Aha” moment (or is that “Eureka”?). What I disliked about my time in major agencies was the lack of process or systems. In my 25 year career I’ve worked for Hill & Knowlton, Edelman Worldwide, Gavin Anderson & Company and Burson-Marsteller. Each had some level of process most usually confined to administration, reporting and finance. There was no well understood process for taking a client brief - or developing a communications solution. There were some courses meant for the junior levels but little consistency across offices - or even practises in the same office.

The challenge is to stop criticising and start developing processes that can be repeated, defined, measured and improved.

Suddenly this new business is looking a lot more interesting!

*Footnote: “The World’s #1 Small Business Guru” the cover proclaims - and here I thought that noodle shoppe guy in Kyoto held the title. Why do Americans crave to be World’s #1 all the time? Baseball’s “World Series” only has teams from the USA - oh, does the token Canadian team really portray the globe? Segue to Freddy Mercury…(click below)…

It’s always bad for the parties involved when their issue gets a “-gate” added to the end. For those not “in the know” this suffix originated from US President Nixon’s ordered break-in to the Democratic National Headquarters in the Watergate office complex in the early 1970s.

For trackers of crises and issues, the time to turn public opinion in your favour is well before your issue is “gate-d”.  All now assume guilt.

“Iguanagate” started at a Central Coast restaurant two weeks ago. NSW Minister John Della Bosca and Federal Minister Belinda Neal were dining at Iguana Restaurant on 6 June and were asked to move tables. Apparently a row erupted with Della Bosca and Neal shouting abuse at staff.

Staff filed Statutory Declarations outlining their recollection of events. Some were withdrawn - others were hidden. Two versions of events are circulating. Bar staff and waiters - putting their jobs on the line - state the political pair were rude, abusive and threatening. Della Bosca and Neal claim there was no such rancour.

What makes this murkier is the allegation that some staff were coerced into changing their statements. Others were never released. And Della Bosca penned an apology letter that he faxed to the restaurant - which was meant to come from the restaurant to him!

Today Federal Minister Blinda Neal “promises the truth” (see today’s Sydney Morning Herald). It’s all too late.

People in public office are held to a high standard. This would have been better managed from the start to admit to the blow-up and offer a full and frank apology. Then this storm in a tea cup would never have spilled over into a second week of national reporting and intense questions in Parliament.

It’s bad enough to lose your temper - but hey, we’re only human. What’s inexcusable is to attempt a cover up. We can forgive a bully. We can’t forgive a bully and a liar.